There cannot be a Resurrection without a death…
Archive for Faith
The Resurrection
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Faith on March 14, 2011 by Her Broken WingDaydream Believer
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Faith, Hope, Isaiah, John, journey on January 29, 2011 by Her Broken Wing
Shaped my world were games of Eeny meeny miny moe, he loves me he loves me not and dreams of sailing away from my world with my make-believe lover.
Daydreaming, I believed I would be rescued from the Demons that danced and twirled in my pain-ridden world. I waited endless nights for my Prince Charming.
Restless inside, I drank the deep. I dreamt of another world of peace and happiness.
My secrets, however, would soon be found and the world had its way with me.
Daydreaming, I believe I would be rescued from the Demons that danced and twirled in my head.
Buried by my many walls, I walked on this side of the world.Thinking I was protected. Praying I was. Finding I only excluded my Prince Charming from ever finding me.
And then, my once sacred pearls scattered abroad. I had held on too tight. Now,they knew. I was exposed.
My dream world was shattered.
I never saw it coming. I never saw Him coming. The change was subtle. My soft foundation shifted and I fell.
Only then did the Prince Charming greater than my wildest dreams reach down and pick me up. (Isaiah 9:5)
All through a Daydream Believer.
(John 3:16)
Beautifully Awkward
Washed Ashore
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Faith, Hope, Trust, weakness on December 17, 2010 by Her Broken Wing
Sobriety is a gift. But it can also be taken from me in the blink of an eye. I am on guard when times are tough but what about when times are good? I let my defenses down. I relax. And it is in those times, I also let my guard down.
In those moments, I remember the euphoria of life artificially induced by chemicals that I might seek the pleasures long forgotten or by something never known.
During these times, I must be on my safeguard from failure.
One day not too long ago, I sat on the beach listening to the water wash ashore, enjoying the warmth of the sun as it beat down on my shoulders. I should have been content but I was not. I wanted to rise higher. Like a little child, “Swing me higher daddy.”
I went back to the days when I was unrestrained. My thoughts shook my foundation for the brief time in which I stood unsettled.
Whether life is good, bad or just indifferent, I will always need to be on watch.
For this day I am given the gift of peace in my shipwrecked mind.
Washed ashore–I am grateful–for today!
Beautifully Awkward
The Spirits Dance
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Broken, Faith, Spirits on November 20, 2010 by Her Broken Wing
In despair, I bow my head. No rhythm to the life I’ve lived, so I pray.
The shadows run and hide at His name. But I could not escape the darkness.
But how pure the sound of God.
And the Spirits dance.
Whispers of the quiet stillness swirl around me setting forth great doubt.
I stay busy, uncertain of what I might do in my idleness. Wreaking of sorrow, I try to reason with my crumbled spirit.
My broken-spirit.
God hears the melody of my breath as I inhale in and out. He slowly becomes my every meaningless gasp. He surrounds my sigh of disgust. He is the very core of my being in my desperate cry.
My soul, the Being of God met with an incredible collision, opening a new path. Now even in my periods of uncertainty, my spirit exudes a new fragrance, sweet and tender revealing His presence.
His Sweet Spirit.
And We Dance.
Beautifully Awkward
The Wind in our Sail
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Faith, journey on November 1, 2010 by Her Broken Wing
If I cannot change the wind, then I will adjust my sail…
Beautifully Awkward
The Waterfall of Passion
Posted in Uncategorized with tags emotions, Faith, Hope, John on August 5, 2010 by Her Broken Wing
Our Blind Spot is the place in the visual field that corresponds to the lack of light-detecting…
“And the Light came into the world.” (John 3:19)
Was I blind to this too?
The emotions abound– flooding my soul. I lived out of an emotional tidal wave. Somewhere along the way, this became my way of life. I thrived on the emotional ebb and flow– Thus, the seeking of others the attention from my highs and lows. Living in a chaotic state, I learned to thrive from this passionate world of feelings.
Then one day I found religion. I didn’t say faith, I said religion. I found a way of life. Working and striving to live out of a self-seeking approval of the Almighty. To no surprise, the day came when I grew weary of this life–too. No passion, no heart in this so-called place of ??– what was all the hype?
What next?
One day someone asked me –“Where is your passion?”
I froze.
I could not answer the question. The true passion that brings stinging tears to my eyes causing me to weep waterfalls of sadness or joy as I drop to my knees.
I was blind to the world around me, I had become (or always had been) self-centered, self-indulgent and lived in my self-pity. A blind spot to my Heavenly Father, for how could Someone love someone like me? Someone with no faith, but only the religiosity of myself.
So I ran from God… I just didn’t get it.
And in the shattered moments where the darkness collides with the shady and sinister rearview images, the only scene left is that in which lies ahead…
Faith is all I have left… I have been stripped of the marred, scarred and obliteration of my tightly bound heart so that now I may be liberated to a new passion and new delight, hence now I bask in the Light—no longer blind to the truth!
For I have found my Abba in the waterfalls of passion.
Beautifully Awkward
The Wrinkle Effect
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Faith, journey, Serenity on August 2, 2010 by Her Broken Wing
The other day I put on a white shirt and white shorts as if to represent a new purity… It had begun to rain. Slowly at first the rain trickled. I stepped outside into the rain. I looked up to the Heavens. Soon the Heavens tears embraced my body. I felt the warm drops against my skin as the drops slid gently off my flesh.
I could smell the rain. It was like that of the Morning Sea.
I stuck my tongue out and tasted the freshness of the Heavens—Light and refreshing as manna from my Abba.
And then the burdens of Heaven came bursting forth– The downpour of the Spirits as they sang in harmony– A symphony of celestial music undefined by the human ear. I swirled in the rain and danced with my Abba.
Cleansing…the waters whispered sacredness too intimate to reveal… a silver shine of the tiny drops reflected my soul. I dropped to my knees. The grass sang a song of praise to the Heavens.
Why haven’t I heard this before? For too long I had run from the pureness of the cleansing rains.
I realized then that I may have never known the raindrop on my face, my flesh, or the deepest place of my heart had I not danced in the ecstasy of that moment.
I studied a puddle of rain and watched as the droplets created a ripple effect that reached the far ends of the waters.
Such as my life – What type of wrinkle have I caused in other’s lives?
Beautifully Awkward
Peace in the Chaos
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Faith, Hope on June 26, 2010 by Her Broken Wing
Standing on the street corner early one morning, I had an epiphany. The cars, the horns, the chatter of people— not paying attention to the silent figure. Chaos and lots of it. Busy life. The hustle bustle of everyday survival. Dressed in our best as to hide our dark secrets.
I had lived in a world of chaos all my life. Turmoil was the norm for me. It was my comfortable blanket like that of a small child carried tightly against his chest.
Soon I heard an unfamiliar sound–the silence,a quiet, a calm… I briefly closed my eyes and inhaled a strange aroma. Unfamiliar once again to my senses, I held my breath as if the sense was just an illusion. Afraid I would blink and it would be gone. I recognized by its definition– Peace–maybe.
Peace in chaos.
In the world of addictions, we thrive on our self-absorbed pain(s). We are selfish. Thus, those around us in pain are only a reassurance and confirmation to the sickness that runs through our veins. Their pain is an affirmation to an ailing world and one we must protect ourselves from, so we dull our senses. We no longer smell, taste or hear but that in which we choose. Addiction was my self punishment. Ironically as I tried to dull my senses, I was only inflicting more pain. The more pain I could inflict the better I felt. I was not worthy of a life of happiness. The Dependence of such substances (food, people, religion, drugs) became a tremendously painful cycle.
Thinking back…
I think of when I was a small child playing on the playground, laughing and carefree as I twirl around spinning until I fell down. I would get dizzy, wobble and fall. I laughed. When did I quit laughing? When did life become…life?
Fast forward to an adult, my life was spinning out of control until I fell (again). Oh, in the beginning I tried many times to get up and did but only to fall many more times. Eventually, I grew weary. Eventually, I stayed down.
Looking up to the Heavens… just like I did as a child when I had spun around too many times…I lie there and breathe in. Tears form and trickle down my cheeks.
I cry, then I sob—What now?
So many people have had opinions. They stood on the playground and watched as I fell. Some judged. Some just loved from a distance. Some were silent. But–Some reached in and embraced me. Those are the ones that are now walking with me on this passage.
Who leads you? Who do we choose?
Would you fly with a pilot that had never flown the course? Or a sailor that now sails unchartered territory? Or what about the blind man as he tells you about a green tree?
God–first…
God –last!
Leave the people behind that hurt you… walk with those that will help you grow…
Close your eyes…Now inhale the peace in the midst of chaos…
Beautifully Awkward
Thank God for Wrong Turns
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Faith, Hope, journey on June 13, 2010 by Her Broken Wing
Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night so thirsty you would drink the water out of the commode if you had to? OK that is a little drastic but it makes my point.
Some years ago, I was injured and in so much pain that I thought to myself, “I now understand how wild animals can chew their own limbs off when maimed.”
In other words, we will go to any means to rid ourselves of any distress. Whether it is temporary relief or permanent, our main focus is immediate relief.
Think about the young girl who soon blossoms into a sexually attractive teenager. She has the eye of the young men or anyone for that matter for the first time. She now has a power she has not had before. It feels good. She feels good. It is filling her emptiness, her void.
What about the teenager whom was the apple of her daddy’s eye. But she carried their little secret. She now finds solace in food. She is trying; she is hoping that no one will ever find her attractive again.
There once lived a child who dwelled in a fantasy world; in which she never quite outgrew the dreams of her youth. She wished for the “happy ever after” for her mommy and her daddy that had divorced many years ago. She began to tell those around her the story of how it was to be. Soon she too believed it. Fantasy and real life were no longer separate. The boundaries of the two had been shattered and intertwined.
And then the socially unacceptable disease was diagnosed to those who would uphold the title. Drug addict. Alcoholic. Call it as you may.
All of these–addicts, liars, sexual addictions, overeaters, pornography, cheaters, gossipers, angry angry people, we are basically the same. Are they self-inflicted wounds?
I think not. Not entirely.
Rather, a point of grasping something tangible. It is the last possible coping means left, albeit, not that wonderful of a survival skill but a mere bridge between sanity and death on the current roadmap of our journey.
This is where we will drop our luggage, lighten our load and find the true pursuit of our purpose.
I would not trade this journey at all. Had I missed this turn, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I am in a better place, and the sites are beautiful.
Thank God for wrong turns.
Beautifully Awkward
Divine Sparks
Posted in Uncategorized with tags 1 Corinthians, Faith, John, journey, Psalm on May 28, 2010 by Her Broken Wing
Who Am I?
So many times I have been uncertain of who I was and now–who I will be. But I am reminded that I was born with a purpose and a plan. (Psalm 139)
It was in a split nanosecond of time in which my soul ignited at its’ entry into earth where I then became a Divine Spark— that is who I am.
Somewhere along my journey, I had become distracted by the physical, the mental and the emotional desires that steered me off the path of my original destiny.
How do I find my way back home where insanity does not prevail? For”I am the way, the truth, and the life.”(John 14:6)
Soon we will all become one. (1 Corinthians 12:17-19” … And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now they are many members, but one body”)
Yes, we are Divine Sparks waiting to light the soul next to us.
Live and light on..
Beautifully Awkward…
Her Broken wing 
