Archive for Gossip

A Spiritual Hissy Fit

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on February 15, 2018 by Her Broken Wing

 

 

”Peter began to say to Him, ‘See, we have left all and followed you!’ (Mark 10:28)

My dad told me when I was a little girl and,well….until he passed away he said  I always had to have the last word. I would always respond, “I do not”. So there you go, point taken.

One of the things God has been working on in my life is surrendering “surrendering my right to the last word but also the right to a voice”. I didn’t have a voice growing up. As an adult, it was no different. I hate being interrupted or cut off or disregarded. It says I’m not important. I have felt that I demand having a voice even when it’s abrasive or causes conflict. **Sigh**

But  who’s voice is it really?

i remember Mel Gibson’s movie Passion of the Christ. I am thankful for the image the movie as it gave me an image  of the eyes of Jesus as He went to the cross, totally surrendered. He chose to have  no voice. He did not say, “But I’m the Son of God get me down from here”. He could have, ya know? No, He laid down His life quietly.

The years have been hard for me sober and not. Some think because I am clean from drugs now I have it made . No, I don’t. My life; sober; has been very hard, actually harder. I work every day at sobriety.  Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful. I surrender daily to God.

Many people look at my addiction like it might be contagious or a moral defect. Either one makes me feel inadequate. But why should I be better than Jesus. They spit on him and called him names worse than me. At least, the words said to  me were superficial; the words spat at Jesus were deep, to the core of unbelief as He lied dying for those cursing Him.

When it got out that Gibson had a “drug issue”, people thought surely he wasn’t a “true” Son of God. That freaks me out. Oh, excuse me Ms. Perfection, Mr. Perfect Christian ; why Jesus could have stayed in heaven. (Gal 2:21)

When i feel rejected, I’ve been known to have a spiritual (and unspiritual) HISSY FIT like it will change things. When I am done with my fit and I am physically spent, God reminds us of His fervent love.

This morning started the Lenten season. Today I started face down furiously in  prayer with my Abba. I have found peace for today. Quiet peace.

i have found love. (1 John 4:8)

I am totally surrendered just for today..

Connie

 

Advertisements

The Saint Fallen into Grace

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on January 26, 2018 by Her Broken Wing

“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”(Matthew 7:5)

Did you hear about…? Or so and so…. Or I hear that another Pastor lost his…  Did you hear about Connie?

I cringe.

We are becoming desensitized. Or is it we are thankful that it is someone other than ourselves? But what about when it is us.

Oh, not because we are innocent although we might some times forget what our own “fleshy desires” might be.

When I fell, I fell hard. my flesh took its toll. I took a path of a non-fruit bearing life and yes, with Jesus by my side (See, Jesus never leaves us). I lived in the lie for many years which led me into a life of self-loathing. Eventually, I tried to take my own life. But God was not ready for me. I am alive but not without much pain. And there are always consequences of my choices. There will always be physical, physiological and emotional scars to me and my family.

I learned that another friend that I have always looked up to is not perfect. Imagine that?! Do you think the song, “Don’t look at me, look at Him” brings tremendous merit here?

I am always on my husband about his own flaws or one in particular. In hit me and hit me hard this week that it is not my place to worry about that any longer. Matt 7:5 slapped me so hard, I truly felt dizzy. For my husband has his own journey with Jesus and who am I to interfere? I thought what about my own weaknesses, my own problems that keep me apart from perfection?

Oh, flawless? That is right, we are not the perfection that God speaks of when He thought of Someone as the perfect Lamb that gave His life! Otherwise, what did we need Jesus for! And as in Galatians 2:21, God reminds us that Christ did not die in vain.

But I still wonder, so many people, Godly people are falling into the fleshly desires. Despair. Pain. Disease. Disappointment.
I have my own weaknesses that keep me on my knees, weak and praying. It keeps me forever giving grace to my friends and family as I am aware of my own limitations. The plank in my eyes help blind me to the pride I think I carry and helps me to reflect on an inner love that can only come from God. Spiritual blindness! Not an accident but part of God’s plan.

It is almost as if to say, in some daily reminder, we are nothing apart from HIM.

Daily we fall into grace. Daily we are reminded that we cannot live without HIM.

And as the battles rages… and it will–Satan wants us to give up… He wants us to give in and feel helpless, crying out, “Why bother, dear brother!”

On the other side, God is standing in, not surprised, not anxious but calmly waiting… He already knows where this is going….

You and me, all of US–Into the arms of our precious Savior…

As we–Fall into Grace, His Grace…

And when we stand before our Lord, we will know… we will worship… we will praise… HIM
He will only see us through the love of His Son and the forgiveness of the CROSS.

Amen

Connie

 

The Disease of Addiction

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 13, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

The news of Whitney Houston’s death comes on the shirttail of another death in our town of a young mother fighting the disease of addiction. It is sad and it is a reminder of how powerful this illness is.

Facebook, Twitter and the news have filled the pages with all sorts of comments from the public. Many are not so nice. Whether you believe addiction is a disease or a self-inflicted overindulgence, the outcome is the same. Life is not sustainable without help.

My question is if the Diabetic as such is told they can come off medicines if they lose weight but chose not to, consequently they suffer a debilitating illness, and does this make them less of a person? Heart disease is mostly preventable in a society where obesity and / or high cholesterol is an epidemic yet heart disease continues to be the number one killer.

We take the disease of addiction, choice or not and society looks at it as a moral defect. Tell me the difference between this and the diabetic secondary to obesity?

Whitney Houston hung onto a man that continued to use and abuse drugs which enabled her to as well. Do we not do that in households that continue to keep junk food in their pantries after grandpa suffers a heart attack?

I will need treatment the remainder of my days. My disease is in remission just for today. But I must feed on God’s word and exercise my faith.

It does anger me that people judge without knowing all the facts. I am a good person. I am a professional. I am a Christian wife, mom and child. I live with this disease that I did not choose. I pray daily for freedom from its stronghold.  So no, I don’t wish to be intoxicated no more than the obese person wishes to be a diabetic.

Maybe we should extend a hand instead of an opinion.

And Judge not. (Matt 7:1-2)

Beautifully Awkward

Look At Her Butt

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on June 1, 2010 by Her Broken Wing

Just look at her butt. Is my butt that big? Deep down I don’t care for this person so I jump on board and continue to diminish the character of this person until there is nothing left but to spit out the bones–unbeknownst to her.  The conversation is so derogatory that it would knock an Angel right out of its’ cozy nest on a snow glisten night.

Why must we do this to each other?

There is something about peering into the life of another. We are rubbernecking in a sense. We come upon a car accident; we will slow down to a snail’s pace.  We are enamored by the gruesome mutilation that devours the human body.  Our mind goes into the “what if’s”. We cannot remove our gaze from the sight for deep within us, the grotesqueness takes us to a place we dare not go …

Dark, cold and deep in the center core…is where we spend most of our life running from.

Whether we are the victim or the bystander, we are all but small frail humans. We desperately seek to be accepted and loved—at any cost. We would sell our soul to the Devil if it meant one moment of pleasure.  (Genesis 25:29-34)

We all have been there. Some are still there. We want to matter to someone. We would rather suffer in pain and agony than to not matter at all. This is why the Emergency Rooms are so full. Many of the patients injuries sadly, are self-inflicted or could have been prevented. But these patients are seeking attention. Or seeking the drugs to dull their senses and take them out of the  agony so they no longer feel. 

 What are we looking for?

We are looking to measure up, to be measured by and yet, when it comes to God we won’t let Him fill our measuring cup. We live in secret. We live in darkness. (Isaiah 45:19)

It is only in that small flicker of light, and where we can call out for hope in a newfound peace. So many people try to describe a God as one that is scurrying around trying to get His house in order but this isn’t the case. The Resurrection of Christ was not some desperate last-minute thought of God’s part to save the Hero. It was God’s original plan all along. His Son was and is our Hope.

Jesus is our love, our acceptance; He is our hope.

Beautifully Awkward