Peace in the Chaos

Standing on the street corner early one morning, I had an epiphany. The cars, the horns, the chatter of people— not paying attention to the silent figure. Chaos and lots of it. Busy life. The hustle bustle of everyday survival. Dressed in our best as to hide our dark secrets.  

  

I had lived in a world of chaos all my life. Turmoil was the norm for me. It was my comfortable blanket like that of a small child carried tightly against his chest.   

  

  

Soon I heard an unfamiliar sound–the silence,a quiet, a calm… I briefly closed my eyes and inhaled a strange aroma. Unfamiliar once again to my senses, I held my breath as if the sense was just an illusion. Afraid I would blink and it would be gone. I recognized by its definition– Peace–maybe.    

Peace in chaos.    

In the world of addictions, we thrive on our self-absorbed pain(s). We are selfish. Thus, those around us in pain are only a reassurance and confirmation to the sickness that runs through our veins. Their pain is an affirmation to an ailing world and one we must protect ourselves from, so we dull our senses. We no longer smell, taste or hear but that in which we choose. Addiction was my self punishment. Ironically as I tried to dull my senses, I was only  inflicting more pain.  The more pain I could inflict the better I felt. I was not worthy of a life of happiness. The Dependence of such substances (food, people, religion, drugs) became a tremendously painful cycle.    

Thinking back…    

I think of when I was a small child playing on the playground, laughing and carefree as I twirl around spinning until I fell down. I would get dizzy, wobble and fall. I laughed. When did I quit laughing? When did life become…life?    

Fast forward to an adult, my life was spinning out of control until I fell (again). Oh, in the beginning I tried many times to get up and did but only to fall many more times. Eventually, I grew weary.  Eventually, I stayed down.    

Looking up to the Heavens… just like I did as a child when I had spun around too many times…I lie there and breathe in. Tears form and trickle down my cheeks.   

I cry, then I sob—What now?    

So many people have had opinions. They stood on the playground and watched as I fell. Some judged. Some just loved from a distance. Some were silent. But–Some reached in and embraced me. Those are the ones that are now walking with me on this passage.    

Who leads you? Who do we choose?    

Would you fly with a pilot that had never flown the course? Or a sailor that now sails unchartered territory? Or what about the blind man as he tells you about a green tree?    

God–first…    

 God –last!   

Leave the people behind that hurt you… walk with those that will help you grow…    

Close your eyes…Now inhale the peace in the midst of chaos…    

Beautifully Awkward    

One Response to “Peace in the Chaos”

  1. Amen, God first, God last.

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