Archive for journey

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From Ashes To Beauty

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 14, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

“…He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,…
   to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes, the oil of joy
   instead of mourning, and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair…” Isaiah 61


The Phoenix story is told that it has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again.

While I might not have that long to live, in likeness, my short life I must die to live. (Matt 26:25)

So out of my rubble, I become something more beautiful than I was before. Free of the bondage that brought me to despair– That I too may be bestowed a crown of beauty.

From the ashes I arose to a garment of praise…

Beautifully Awkward

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Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 20, 2011 by Her Broken Wing
 
 
Be Still and Know (Psalm 46:10)
I heard a song the other day… “Slow dancing in a burning room” It really spoke to my senses… Like peace and surrender…
 
 It is also like the days I have spent swaying to the sound of the world as she went about her business– Chaos just happens as I scurry around trying to make it one more day. Maybe humankind finds one morsel of Hope to hold, enough to come back tomorrow.
 
I fight to stand for something– for nothingness is worse than doing something wrong. I see the ribbons on the door of my neighbors, my family yet I pass them by each day. I complain but I do nothing about it.

My addiction…stands for the years of hiding and blaming others– yet it is my problem. And if I am the problem, I must be the solution.

In my weakness I find…I have amazing strength.

God says…. “For it is in my weakness, He is strong…” (2 Corinthians 12:10)

So today, I surrender…

Today, I slow dance in a burning room…

Beautifully Awkward

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Save Me From Myself

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on February 19, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

When I was a little girl, there were monsters that camped out in my bedroom. Within a short time, I had my youngest sister convinced of a devastating fate. This happened every night for a period of time. My precious dad set up a vigil in our room saving us from the monsters until we were asleep. Morning would come and the monsters were gone.

Years later, I was once again faced with the monsters of the world. With my heart-broken and shattered, my dad came to my rescue picking up every broken piece. My dad taught me the dance-of-life and chased away the monsters.

The road of happenstance had left me with a battlefield in my mind–a civil war. Monsters wreaked havoc in their words of unworthiness.

My dad has long since gone Home. He can no longer save me from myself and the world I have created. But he left me with his Father for I now face this dance with my Heavenly Father.  (Job 21:11)

Although I have tried to give up a time or two, the road always leads back to You.

And the war rages on, holding on or letting go… Father save me from myself.

Beautifully Awkward

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Here Comes The Son

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on February 13, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

A new day has begun. I grab my running shoes on this cold brisk morning and head out the door. It takes a while before my breathing begins to slow and my body begins to warm.

I’m alone except for the battlefield of my mind and her raging wars. Once again, I try to process the events of my so-called less-than-perfect life. Once again, I realize no one really understands unless they have walked this journey.

I go to open my mouth by my words elude my soul. My memories have made me this way.

My praise is all but gone. I lift my hands and wait for You to take them. I raise my voice up and wait.

What meaning would faith have, if You saved me overnight?  I rest in that thought.

The Sun rises and I smile as I turn the corner. It reminds me that You sent me one more promise in the day.

Lord, I lift my hands and pray, here comes the SON.

Beautifully Awkward

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Happy Birthday

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 1, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

 Today I have been sober for one year. I cried all the way to work this morning. This is no less than a miracle for me.

Somewhere down the road this past year, I had began to let go of the tight control I had on my life (which  ironically I had no control of) and handed it over to God. Subtly, I realized I was giving God all areas of my life– even the small things.

I have come to believe in a power greater than I.

My Jesus

Beautifully Awkward

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Daydream Believer

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on January 29, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

Shaped my world were games of Eeny meeny miny moe, he loves me he loves me not and dreams of sailing away from my world with my make-believe lover.

Daydreaming, I believed I would be rescued from the Demons that danced and twirled in my pain-ridden world. I waited endless nights for my Prince Charming.

Restless inside, I drank the deep. I dreamt of another world of peace and happiness.

My secrets, however, would soon be found and the world had its way with me.

Daydreaming, I believe I would be rescued from the Demons that danced and twirled in my head.

Buried by my many walls, I walked on this side of the world.Thinking I was protected. Praying I was. Finding I only excluded my Prince Charming from ever finding me.

And then, my once sacred pearls scattered abroad. I had held on too tight. Now,they knew. I was exposed.

My dream world was shattered.

I never saw it coming. I never saw Him coming. The change was subtle.  My soft foundation shifted and I fell.

Only then did the Prince Charming greater than my wildest dreams reach down and pick me up. (Isaiah 9:5)

All through a Daydream Believer.

(John 3:16)

Beautifully Awkward

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To Reclaim My Heart

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on January 12, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

Time passes and the honeymoon is over. The high of not being high has lapsed and now I must face life on life’s terms. They (those that have gone before me in their walk of sobriety) call it the “Roller-coaster” of emotions. But do I have to fall and falter to a low, or does the pendulum have to swing to the extreme?

Most days it does.

I am on a journey to find and reclaim my heart.

Through my addiction, depression and life’s journey, I have lost heart. And to lose heart is to lose everything. The geography of my core lies solely on where I have traveled. To lose my way as the elements chip away at my center — day by day reroutes my desires and my dreams.

It is not until I have lost my way, do I find my way— for in my heart is where my Savior rests in a deep love.

Beautifully Awkward

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A Love Affair

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 4, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

It is darkest before the dawn. I lie in the shadowy part of the night clenched tightly to my covers. The Voice in my head is unrelenting. I toss and I turn. There is an emptiness I cannot fill with all the drugs in the world.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.…” Matthew 11:28

The Voice again.

Night after night. When will it stop?

Something is definitely missing in my life. There has to be more. I am vulnerable now. I am broken.

*Sigh*

I have been reckless and wild–trying to fill the need, that deep longing. But the wild life was not it.

The pastor calls from the pulpit, demands I come, I do, but that was not it either. Maybe a small group and study of the Word. The hole is still there. I have a general sickness and lethargy of the heart.

Am I just spiritually immature?

Once again the Voice speaks, the Voice calls, this time in a passionate longing that desires to be satisfied. And through reckless abandonment –a deep love affair is found. Through my broken and crumbled spirit–The longing is filled. All through a fervent love affair.

For My burden is light… and My love is deep…

Beautifully Awkward

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Road To Damascus

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on November 18, 2010 by Her Broken Wing

On my road to Damascus I had worshiped another god.

Persecuting the Lord Which separated me from a Love.

The long hot dusty roads I traveled only to seek another fix–I lied, I stole and I cheated altogether in self-satisfaction.

But now in a Holy moment, I was blinded by a pain too great that my loneliness could not be reckoned with.

At this instant, my sight was shaded by something  greater than I.

The sounds around me hastens my senses, “Who is there?” I cry.

And then, the tender touch of a hand guides me as He whispers.

I go.

For I was blind and now I see.

A dusty road I walk, led by His eyes.

The eyes of His surrender. The tender touch of His hand.

God is not dead nor does He sleep.

Beautifully Awkward

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The Wind in our Sail

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on November 1, 2010 by Her Broken Wing

 If I cannot change the wind, then I will adjust my sail…

Beautifully Awkward

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