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God is Good

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on February 11, 2018 by Her Broken Wing

Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV)
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

God is good when…? All the time…? When good things happen? But when something bad happens what do we say “God is good,all the time”. No, not usully, we usually don’t praise Him during difficult times. Or I forget to or I’m too angry.

But conversely,there is a story of a young 5 year old child that really loved the Lord. He would loved to say to God that,, He was good,.. one evening  the little boy was in a horrific  accident and was left paralyzed. His spirit did not wane at anytime. The pastor came the next day to see the little boy. The child  wrote something in the pastors hand, “God is good, all the time.”

When I went into recovery for drugs and alcohol finally, God was answering my prayer, one I had prayed for,such a long time.The problem was He didn’t answer it the way I wanted. I became angry. I was resentful. It’s like taking a gift and throwing it back in someone’s face. That is what I did to God.

This boy was paralyzed  He found peace through His Father

i had to go through the nursing recovery program and lost my job. I ended up having to attend AA. How horrible. I was bitter. It took me awhile to see the god in God. Years later I have found this program which saved my life.  God is good, I met some of my best friends from this program. We support each other. We have to have about 60 years sobriety among us. God is good.

There is a little bit of  Good in the worst of us, and a little bit of bad in the best of us.

Romans 8:28

26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Through the good and through the bad

God is good!!

living the supernatural

Connie

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The Saint Fallen into Grace

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on January 26, 2018 by Her Broken Wing

“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”(Matthew 7:5)

Did you hear about…? Or so and so…. Or I hear that another Pastor lost his…  Did you hear about Connie?

I cringe.

We are becoming desensitized. Or is it we are thankful that it is someone other than ourselves? But what about when it is us.

Oh, not because we are innocent although we might some times forget what our own “fleshy desires” might be.

When I fell, I fell hard. my flesh took its toll. I took a path of a non-fruit bearing life and yes, with Jesus by my side (See, Jesus never leaves us). I lived in the lie for many years which led me into a life of self-loathing. Eventually, I tried to take my own life. But God was not ready for me. I am alive but not without much pain. And there are always consequences of my choices. There will always be physical, physiological and emotional scars to me and my family.

I learned that another friend that I have always looked up to is not perfect. Imagine that?! Do you think the song, “Don’t look at me, look at Him” brings tremendous merit here?

I am always on my husband about his own flaws or one in particular. In hit me and hit me hard this week that it is not my place to worry about that any longer. Matt 7:5 slapped me so hard, I truly felt dizzy. For my husband has his own journey with Jesus and who am I to interfere? I thought what about my own weaknesses, my own problems that keep me apart from perfection?

Oh, flawless? That is right, we are not the perfection that God speaks of when He thought of Someone as the perfect Lamb that gave His life! Otherwise, what did we need Jesus for! And as in Galatians 2:21, God reminds us that Christ did not die in vain.

But I still wonder, so many people, Godly people are falling into the fleshly desires. Despair. Pain. Disease. Disappointment.
I have my own weaknesses that keep me on my knees, weak and praying. It keeps me forever giving grace to my friends and family as I am aware of my own limitations. The plank in my eyes help blind me to the pride I think I carry and helps me to reflect on an inner love that can only come from God. Spiritual blindness! Not an accident but part of God’s plan.

It is almost as if to say, in some daily reminder, we are nothing apart from HIM.

Daily we fall into grace. Daily we are reminded that we cannot live without HIM.

And as the battles rages… and it will–Satan wants us to give up… He wants us to give in and feel helpless, crying out, “Why bother, dear brother!”

On the other side, God is standing in, not surprised, not anxious but calmly waiting… He already knows where this is going….

You and me, all of US–Into the arms of our precious Savior…

As we–Fall into Grace, His Grace…

And when we stand before our Lord, we will know… we will worship… we will praise… HIM
He will only see us through the love of His Son and the forgiveness of the CROSS.

Amen

Connie

 

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Demons and Dragons

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on May 6, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

 

The other day, my husband and I were talking about a time in his life when he was faced with a medical crisis. He could have easily died. Then we talked about where I was in my addiction at that time unbeknownst to him. He had no idea of the demons I was struggling with. Heck, I consciously was unaware myself.

Life is just funny like that when I look back on it…glimpsing at how intertwined and interwoven God has mapped out my days. So, hubby and I went on to talk about the what ifs had turned out different in our life, we may be facing a different time for our family now.

But we were one of the lucky ones.

Not just because my husband lived but because I am clean today– No small feat. No small miracle!

Some days when I find it hard to get out of bed and carry on, I try to remember that God has a greater plan for me. (Jer 29:11)

I don’t know what the plan is but I know what it has taught me thus far. What sobriety has taught me is I’m no longer quick to judge. I have been where most people will never go so who am I to judge.

I love deeply. I have learned to love past all the warts and scars.

I inhale the sweet aromas of fresh blooming flowers. I have come to cherish the vibrant colors and fresh scents they exude.

I now enjoy silence and the stillness of peace in the midst of Chaos. I sense the breath of the God Almighty.

The demons and the slayers of dragons—are shadows of the past.

Today I enjoy—me.

Beautifully awkward…

Love,

Connie

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Be Still

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on April 29, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

Sometimes… it’s about being still in the midst of Choas… (Psalm 46:10)

 

Love,

Connie

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Serendipity

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 4, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

Serendipity….A fortunate accident.

You might say that is what happened to me: My addiction a fortunate accident? Well, yes in a sense.  Today I feel that way. Two years ago, not so much. But today, sobriety is a gift.

Long ago, I longed to feel “normal” like my friends. Their lives were so together. My life was in such turmoil that I felt sure everyone knew what a screw up I was. So as a child, I tried to fit in.

Fast forward some years and the pattern continued. Early on, I would descend into a world of addiction and lose my identity even further. Fragile from the barrage of abuse, I felt I had come home to the numb feelings I now experienced.

Life had her way with me. Consequences from my choices.

Despair.

*Sigh*

But for the grace of God…

I was called into place of something they described as “Rehabilitation.” Oh, in the beginning I was very angry and didn’t want to be in this place. It wasn’t my choice, but then really it was. I was just so tired.

“Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly…,” I started to let go of the anger and resentment and open up to those around me. The people in my groups were happy. I often thought to myself, “What could they be happy about?”  They aren’t normal. They can never drink again. They can’t take a pill without going off the deep end. My life was over as I knew it.

Well thank God. Because my life just sucked.

I hadn’t had a clean and sober day in years. And now I was living a normal (used loosely) life.  Today, I am learning to walk a path I never discovered before.

Life is good. I am living in freedom. (John 10:10)

A fortunate accident indeed.

Beautifully Awkward

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It’s OK To Not Feel OK

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 3, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

Getting clean and sober is a life-changing experience. I tried to hold it together with drugs and alcohol in place of humanity that would be strange and new. I was scared. This would be my new home– that without alcohol and drugs. I wasn’t sure I really liked this place. A place I would be required to feel every emotion good, bad and indifferent.

Nonetheless, recovery is about attaining a place in my world. I would move away from my safe haven (or what I thought to be safe) to a new circle of friends and even family. I would find a new career. I would develop new interests. And I would finally become an adult.

Change is never easy. Finding a place I “belong” into a world –I intuitively know –where most people don’t even know I exist.

So it is no wonder I was stuck for so long in my addiction. It takes great courage to move out into the world. Actually, I never learned it was OK to not feel OK. And being stuck was my way of life.

It really is not the addiction so much as fear I experienced… Fear of change and of changing.

Today…. Life just Simply is…

Beautifully Awkward

 

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I Am Enough

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on September 19, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

When I am not enough, the Sun rises again.

When I am not enough, the seas bellow up and cry “Holy.”

When I am not enough, the wind kisses my face tenderly.

and when I am not enough, Your Son sends me a hug through a friend.

 

I am reminded daily that yes, I am enough. I am abundantly and richly filled with Grace, love and life. (Jn 10:10)

Reminding me~~

That I am enough…

 

Beautifully Awkward

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The Broken Spirit

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 3, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

But it has been a year …or so… I should be… I should be what? Over it? Better?

How did it happen that my physical body heals and the emotional body was left unnoticed –for a time? I was doing so well and then I hit “The Wall.” My emotional breaking point.

No reason, really. Maybe you said something to me, looked at me a certain way, it really doesn’t matter because the break was bound to happen with you or without you. See it had nothing to do with you. I needed this final fracture of my spirit.

Now, I have nothing left.

“It is finished.” John 19:30

My spirit I give to the Father.

Beautifully Awkward

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Living In The Answer

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on April 17, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

And I eventually moved to a Higher Plane… Where I asked God for Inspiration.

My struggles had ceased for the day.

I have ceased fighting anything or anyone–even my disease.

My sanity wanes.

My feelings of uselessness and self-pity come and go…but my experience today is more on the level of acceptance.

Today, I have stopped living in the problem and started living in the answer. In my right to chemical peace of mind.

Just for today–and that is God’s will for me.

(Alcoholics Anonymous)

Beautifully Awkward

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The Perfect Storm

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 29, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

The Perfect Storm

Standing in the cold

I find no shelter from the rain.

Hope of a lesser Kind

Love such forgotten.

The storm of redemption

Jealously takes hold of my soul.

The rain picks up her pace hard against my skin.

And the thunder rolls in close.

There is a climax of Earth’s beauty as Mother Nature cries out.

There is a Perfect Storm.

Then the denouement.

Speculation—maybe.

Summation—surely.

Peace 

 Silence

Thus, the events of my life.

“For the peace of God transcends all understanding…” (Philippians 4:7)

Beautifully Awkward

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