Palm print of Jesus Christ

 

 

I just started a new Bible study today With Tanya with an “A”. Hmm I don’t even know the name of the study come to think of it but we talked a lot today about surrender, true surrender. So here ya go.
Years ago I used to pray the prayer of Jabez. “Lord increase my territory…”, I remember that part of the prayer and I remember the impact. I also fasted for two weeks. I’m the most skeptical person out there but if you  (Me)have the faith of a mustard seed (Matthew 17:20) whoa, let it be.

Not long after this, my spiritual life begin to change. And I thought wow this is my spiritual awakening! Little did I know! It wasn’t. Oh I went through Hell. As a matter of fact, I lived in hell. I must of had a lot of pride.

1 Kings 19:11-12 The Message (MSG)

11-12 Then he was told, “Go, stand on the mountain at attention before God. God will pass by.”

A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn’t to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn’t in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

My life did not turn out the way I thought. When I asked to increase my territory I think I just must of had to live in the 40 years of desert. The desert is pretty big territory. Not funny.

I should have seen this coming but I thought I was invincible. Three grandparents and both parents are/were alcoholics and drug addicts. So it should be no surprise that I went into recovery for drugs and alcohol 2010, I would be so broken. I just prayed “God if you only…” you’ll have to read at beginning of Her Broken Wing  to find out all that.  I was an angry bitter person. I’m

I did not hear God in my hurricane.  I was finally in treatment.

His earthquake happened. I did not hear Him, Halfway through my. Outpatient treatment something devastating occurred causing me to become very sick. My eating disorder that had been dormant for so long surfaced. Oh but I said this was about addiction. Yes I did. I had been stripped of pride, of everything. I was suffering from PTSD. Having nightmares every night and hyper vigilant. And I was buried in shame and quilt.

God’s fire. I finally hit would I would call or what we in AA a “bottom”. I ended up in ICU for 4 days after trying to end my life for His reasons which I do not know or understand.I’m here.

Quiet whisper happened when I was sitting broken alone with God.  Wondering “who am I that I would question God’s handiwork”? His Son sent to die for all that stuff I was living and I was not terminally unique like I thought I was!

1) I sponsor other women in alcohol and drug recovery.

2) I also started a National Rome’s one and only outpatient  Eating Disorder Anonymous meeting.

3) I teach bible study at my church and I’m open about my journey

4) I am still broken

thank you for allowing me to share. Please use this for good and keep it sacred.

http//herbrokenwing.wordpress.com

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