Archive for Beauty

I Am Woman

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on March 27, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

I am not enough and yet too much— all at the same time… I am Woman… 

My career has always been my identity. I measured my worth based on where I was on the rung of the corporate ladder. So needless to say, when I fell from my professional ascend into the pits of despair, I lost all hope.

At the same time, as I had been taking too many drugs, sleeping too much, running fast to keep away the demons of my past, I was too sensitive and too opinionated.

All the result of shame that sought me though the cracks and crevices of my life. It would ooze through the walls built around me that I thought would protect me. Such an irony of my secluded existence which eventually became exposed.

If only I had done things different… (Whatever that looks like)

Maybe if I had tried harder…(Whatever that means)

In the mess I created, I only wished to be loved, accepted and pursued. Yes, pursued. I wanted to be loved by someone. So I started filling that void with people, things and then…drugs. It would take tremendous pain before I would realize that all these things were not filling the void but only making the emptiness bigger and wider in my life.

Built within my soul was and is a deep passionate desire to live. I desire intimacy. I desire being pursued. That is how God made me as a woman — To find great meaning as a woman.

The veil of shame and guilt was removed on the Cross. I choose whether to fill the void with Him, my Savior. For He pursued me. Now I pursue Him. (1 John 4:19)

May I be the woman of Your great story told.

 Beautifully Awkward

 

 

 

A Drunkard’s Cry

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on March 23, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

Do you wonder as you watch my face?

Is it the silence?

Or is it the tears of shame?

I invite you to climb into my world over the walls built of mortar made of guilt and pain. I invite you to share my shame. Do you hear my drunkards cry in the darkest part of the night? Once more vowing to give up the stronghold of my addiction. Once more praying for help.

*Sigh*

How many prayers have there been like this?

A beautiful mess that I am. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Only through the rumblings of something greater than I, do the walls fall around me. Revealing a new skin, a new likeness of His Son. Preserved for such a time as this. (Esther 4:14)

As you watch my face, do you see Him?

A Beautiful Awkwardness?