Twisted Fate

Matthew 18:21-22 (“then Peter came to him , and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive them? Til seven times?

Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times; but, until seventy times seven.”)

Forgiveness is a funny thing. When I say I’m sorry, I just assume I’ll get one in return. Isn’t that how it works? I say I’m sorry and you say you are sorry back. So when you don’t reciprocate it leaves me feeling worthless, guilty,  unimportant and useless and sometimes just angry. But, the Bible does not say anything about us getting an apology in return.

What da I do? As my sponsor says, “have you prayed”? Sigh, why do I always forget to pray during hard times? Remember the prayer, “Help”? (Anne Lamott) That’s all, just help! How simple is that?

In my program that I’ve been so lucky to be a part of (12 step program) God grant me The serenity… so where is that peace? Do we find it through our search with God? ? A reminder is it’s my forgiveness not theirs. I’m not responsible for others.  It is freeing to let those we have hurt go. It’s not a one time deal. I sometimes have to do this over and over. Anger,  rebellion and retaliation is what l was feeling.

I remember a time when I made an amends to someone I had really hurt. I expected her to forgive me and to go back to where we had been before the situation happened. I said I was sorry.. She said “I made my amends long time ago but her words spewed like razor blades shooting from her mouth.” I was not sure what to say next.  Later, I had seen her out, she did not give me the time of day.

I am to clean my side of the street not hers. I have done that. I was sincere. I still felt the twinge of pain. What Twisted Fate. I hurt her, she hurt me.

But now in my peace, I can say “Wow”! “Thanks”

living the Supernatural

Connie

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