He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me

 

The woman said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw [water] with, and the well is deep.”  JOHN 4:11

I have thought God to be off His rocker before, not being able to live up to my expectations? I still question Gods ultimate plan in my life, has he forgotten me? Why Lord have you forsaken me?

Will I ever get clean? Especially, after ten years of fighting alcohol and drugs plus my eight years sobriety? And even now I still struggle to live what Seems like a once vibrant women. A women filled with life, joy, and enthusiasm.

What do I do when Satan whispers, “you have nothing left?” “You have no bucket”? What happens when I reach my bottom again and again? What does my bottom look like? Despair? Very much so.

My friend in Alcoholics Anonymous says to be careful as even our bottoms have a trap door! Hell is a vacation compared to a bottom as an alcoholic and taking drugs. I’ve been through the DT’s. I can only imagine it has to be worse than Hell. I wanted to die or for sure thought I would. Where are you, Lord? Papa, do you still love me?

“Yes”, I hear in a whisper! (1 kings:12)

He loves me, He loves me not, He loves me…(John 3:16 For God so loved…)

My well runs deep but I have no bucket to draw with. I am the Woman at the well, caught up in village of gossip, given a second, third, fourth… chances.

I am the woman at the well…

He loves me…

Connie

Max Lucado in book God Came Near says, “Silently the Divine Surgeon reaches into his kit and pulled out the needle of faith and a thread of hope. In the shade of Jacob’s well He stitched her wounded soul back together. ‘There will come a day… ‘ He whispered. “

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: