First Kiss

I was 9 and his name was Randy. He was 9 and had red hair. (Maybe that’s why I am so partial to my sons red hair.)  We were playing Why do you build me up Buttercup or something like that on our little turn table. We danced. My uncle taught me to dance on a little old radio. I can only imagine what I looked like dancing.

My first kiss with drugs. I was in my 20’s. I had the flu and was given pain meds from my medical doctor. I was high as a kite.  That was the most awesome feeling. I felt numb, tingly, and carefree.

Sometime after that, I hurt my back. I couldn’t even stand up. I was given pain meds again. I got high. But I noticed I didn’t feel the same high feeling that I felt the first time.

Not realizing it, I was an addict after the first pill, after the first kiss.  I looked forward to situations where I needed to take drugs. I wanted to feel that feeling.

When I turned 40, I started having bad migraines. I had to go on pain meds (or maybe I didn’t; or probably shouldn’t have). I started taking pills more and more in search of that initial high, never quite reaching it.  Such as,  you can never recapture, the first kiss.

After 10 years of drug use, I went into rehab. Instead of reaching a high each day (because I took drugs everyday, I had to to keep from going into DTs), my world went black and I hit bottom after each use. I was so very sick.

8 years ago, I walked through the doors of rehab. My first kiss of healing. My life has never been the same. No more searching a high. Well just not of drugs. I do seek highs in other areas. I guess I am a serotonin seeking junkie.

i have found my high is now thru my spiritual awakening in trusting God.

My first kiss with life.




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