Til Spring Comes


    Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descent like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants” Deuteronomy 32:2

“Where have you been?” My Mom would say when I was a kid, when I had been gone a long time. Well life happened.  Real life. Hard life. But even through it, I stayed clean.  February 1, I will celebrate 8 years clean and sober. Happy birthday to me.  (Not the belly button kind).  Every year is a huge milestone for me. It is really hard work. Not the staying physically sober but the emotional sobriety  .

The past four years that I have been off my blog I’ve been dealing with my raw emotions of shame and quilt of my life. That done to me and that in which I did. Shame is an ugly thing. Owning my story is so hard but not nearly as hard as spending my life running from it. And that is just what I have done. Seizing my vulnerability is risky but not as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that made me the  vulnerable. Only when I was brave enough to delve back into the darkness will I find the power of the promise of Spring.

It’s been a long winter for me figuratively. Cold. My world has been brown and gray but I am beginning to see peeks of blues and greens through the melting snow. The warm sun begins to soak into my lifeless soul. The birds sing harmony.

Til Spring Comes



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