Til Spring Comes

 

    Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descent like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants” Deuteronomy 32:2

“Where have you been?” My Mom would say when I was a kid, when I had been gone a long time. Well life happened.  Real life. Hard life. But even through it, I stayed clean.  February 1, I will celebrate 8 years clean and sober. Happy birthday to me.  (Not the belly button kind).  Every year is a huge milestone for me. It is really hard work. Not the staying physically sober but the emotional sobriety  .

The past four years that I have been off my blog I’ve been dealing with my raw emotions of shame and quilt of my life. That done to me and that in which I did. Shame is an ugly thing. Owning my story is so hard but not nearly as hard as spending my life running from it. And that is just what I have done. Seizing my vulnerability is risky but not as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that made me the  vulnerable. Only when I was brave enough to delve back into the darkness will I find the power of the promise of Spring.

It’s been a long winter for me figuratively. Cold. My world has been brown and gray but I am beginning to see peeks of blues and greens through the melting snow. The warm sun begins to soak into my lifeless soul. The birds sing harmony.

Til Spring Comes

blessings

Connie

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