A Force To Be Reckoned With
Sometimes, I just get depressed. I don’t know if it’s my personality or real depression. I try to figure out what is going on in my head by telling my sponsor or writing it down. Sometimes, it makes sense and sometimes it just doesn’t.
Already I have probably lost you. But I will try once again to explain this. For me.
I have highs and lows in any given second. I yell easily, cry hard and am timid when it comes to love. I might hug you if I feel safe with you. I still feel awkward at times with hugging people if I don’t know you. I absolutely will not open up to you unless I have known you for some time and then it is iffy (as I share my life on this blog 🙂 ).
I get anxious over small things and hit the big things with a force to be reckoned with. It is the fear of little things that devour me and worry me to death. I worry about things that haven’t even happened and may never happen. Then after I have convinced myself that the worst has happened like my son has been in a wreck, I become crippled with fear. Geez …
By now, I’m terribly upset and I don’t want you or anyone to get me out of this craziness I have gotten myself into. I am in mental lockdown.
So, I went to the doctor… and he gave me some medicine for this “depression.” Eventually, all was well. I am like the pendulum swinging in the middle instead of the extremes. “So this is what it’s like? To be normal?”
My husband actually decided he liked the new me. (instead of his screaming, yelling, crying temperamental wife)
At first, I felt like a failure… Another pill… but my friend said, diabetics take a pill…. You have a disease, take the pill. Not like I’m getting high on it!!
I don’t cry as hard… like I want to be a blubbering idiot anyway.
So I look at it this way, I’ve been dug out of the ditch to have a fighting chance to be who I really am.
To be Beautifully Awkward.
Her Broken wing 
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