Emotional Sobriety

Being emotionally sober might be harder than chemically sober. I have learned a lot these past few months about myself. I have learned that I am self-centered, self-absorbed and just selfish. If God had said to me, do not eat of the fruit of this tree, I would have said, “Surely not, I am your chosen one…” and would have made an apple pie from every last apple on the tree.

 

I have seen the ugly side of my external internal war that rages within me. If only the “me” could retreat, the battle would be over. Peace eludes me. Self-centeredness is a poison in my emotional system. It creates havoc in my daily life. Fear sets in. Anger, resentment and self-pity become my guiding force. All this in the pursuit of happiness.

 

I have learned that happiness is an inside job. Life and circumstances outside of me having nothing, absolutely nothing to do with my happiness.

 

I no longer have to do the best Waltz on the dance floor, but only gaze into the eyes of my beloved as we dance. It’s not about people pleasing but enjoying life and the gifts God has given me.

 

Oh, I still catch myself seeking the attention of the world, atta-boys, but I don’t have to for my happiness. I am much happier when I don’t seek the awareness of other people. I have a choice.

 

I can finally sit and really listen to people talk to me without my mind racing around trying to think of the next story that will top theirs. A story that would surely glorify me.

 

Yes, my heart has been replaced with the Father’s heart….My quiet place…

Beautifully Awkward

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