Desperately Seeking Serotonin


My physician knows my name (or I think he does–such is my self thinking). I sometimes wonder if he rolls his eyes when he hears my name. “She has called again?”–that Serotonin Junkie….

I desperately want to “be normal” not that I really know what that is. I have been medicated on some type of mood altering drug for a long time… Whether it is antidepressants, prescription pain medication or alcohol–I’ve been on them all.

Of course, there is the other–Life! Thrill seeking… Putting myself in dangerous situations. I have done that too– all for the rush.

 But I guess we all do that at some point in our life, right?

This is where you say, “sure“!

And the other things I do?

Whatever “it” is, it won’t be in moderation. I think I have to make up for the lack of serotonin by filling the void with my exaggerated life. Take for example my experience with eBay–I finally had to just quit. It was like the hunt for survival. I would stalk the prey through until the last remaining second and go in for the kill. You have to have been on eBay to understand this. It’s crazy. I rarely go on there anymore. But don’t be too proud of me, I have replaced it with something else I feel sure. I always do.


Today I am seeking something… I long for something to get me out of this funk I am basking in…I just want it to go away. It’s like waking up early–too early in the morning as the Sun comes up before her time— then pulling the covers up over my head begging her to go away. I hit the snooze button, kick the cat off the bed and sneak a few more hours of sleep.

What is Serotonin anyway? Ah, another chemical ….in the brain…


The Motherboard …

The most common sign of a serotonin deficiency is depression; this can range anywhere from just feeling melancholy to extended periods of deep depression.

Feeling anxious? well that is common too.

So where are the Serotonin Milkshakes? Serotonin moon pies! Serotonin shots!!!

I have heard of the runner’s high…. Oh yea, I used to do that too….Of course, I’m waiting for my exercise addiction that has yet to kick in (again)…no, I have to eat a friggin donut instead…

Huge sigh…

I don’t think God meant the abundant life to be in excess…. (John 10:10)…

Come to think of it, we are all seeking the same thing, aren’t we?

Maybe it’s not a Serotonin void but a God void in my life….I am trying to fill.

So today Father, I seek You. (Psalms 105:4)

Desperately seeking God

Beautifully Awkward

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