Emotions Gone Wild

Emotions abound…Gone wild in a sense.

Today is a new day—so are my passions.

It has been hard to write lately– Mostly, because my emotions are all over the page. I start, I delete. Or I realize I have just rambled on endlessly about something totally weird.  I have to laugh, because that “weird” is who I am– The uniqueness of me.

You see I was born deformed… that is in the “emotional” sense.  I am deficient of the inborn instinct that not even I can touch but always sought to feed with my physical cravings. Its hunger was insatiable. I rummaged through the cupboards of my life trying to gratify its desire.

And I longed to fill the void.

I have sought foolish dreams that in retrospect left me with a deep soul-sickness and heartbreaking emptiness. But each time, I would rise from the rubble reveling with a stronger pride and self-righteousness—the drink of oblivion — Then self-justification.  It became my lifelong cycle.

Despair.

Eventually, the day came when I no longer looked in the mirror. It had been a long time since I had recognized that person anyway.  And it wouldn’t be long before “well-meaning” family and friends would hold up a picture of me and who I had become. 

Denial–which only continued to feed my worthlessness.

Then the day came… “I let you go.”

I don’t know if it was me, God or those I loved but I imagine all–for the impact was tremendous, I fell back and it would be sometime before I could catch my breath.  My fight was gone. Not so much within me, but within the place I longed to fill.

”I have released you to God…” So were my circumstances.

The dark corners of my emotional vault burst forth a wonder—Not just survival.

But Life!

Beautifully Awkward.

One Response to “Emotions Gone Wild”

  1. I pray that you llive your life to the fullest sweetie.

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