I’ve Got An Itch

I haven’t been able to figure out why I feel a certain way lately. You ever have a disconcerting undercurrent that just keeps you on edge. It feels kind of like you need to say something but forgot what it was. You can’t let it go because it’s right there–always. I have been feeling this way for some time. But praises to God, I figured it out today. It’s like finding an itch and scratching the daylights out of it…. Ahhh

OK, maybe not quite that dramatic.

I tried to remember when it all started. I recollect it starting after I left work  (so abruptly and painfully) so that has been some time ago. I  felt like I had unfinished business.

What was it?

I remembered back to when I was a child (why do we always go back to the childhood stuff—amazing any of us made it out alive)…my mom opened the door and there I stood, dripping in blood — I had been beaten up. “Neighborhood boy” … I have a mouth now and I had a mouth back then. Apparently, he did not like being called a “sissy girl.” Never challenge the masculinity of the male species at any age. I think he was like ten at the time. I told my mom to go beat him up. I was hysterically trying to explain what happened. I might as well have said Aliens landed and replaced my brain. It wasn’t working. To my shock and dismay, she beat spanked the ever-living-bajezee’s out of me for getting in a fight. This would be the first of many of my heart wounding moments as I call them.

My heart eventually went into a long period of cardiac arrest of the spiritual kind. It would take a miracle to  bring it back to life.

By the grace of God, I grew into a young adult. I married. As you would expect, I married someone to fix the tribulations in my life (or so I thought). I did not know any better or any other life so I endured the pattern I had been accustomed to.

The message then…the message now

They did not fight for me

Something must be terribly wrong with me. Horribly wrong. Another kick to my already ceased heart beat.

And then my eyes saw and ears heard…

The thunder roll, lightening split the darkened skies and sleeping lions roar, as Jesus stood there at the door in His bloodied garment full of sin. His Father cried as His Son said…“I fought for them, Dad”

And my ceased heart began to beat… through CPR (Christ Partakes of my Ransom)

His Dad said, “Now bring them Home, Son.”

His Daughter

3 Responses to “I’ve Got An Itch”

  1. This is my favorite post yet.. This is absolutely beautiful. Until we hear the truth from God we will not be able to replace the lies that were implanted in the places where we got broken. Jesus said in Isaiah 61 that He came to heal the broken hearted. He knew we were broken, so He came to heal us… You have done what is needful. You’ve allowed Him to speak the truth to you… it has set you free… just as He promised when He said, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” I LOVED this….

  2. Thank you Julie… Amazing what we can learn while on our knees.. broken and shattered…God Bless you

  3. i saw your comment on beth moore’s blog about todays simulcast and decided to check out your blog.

    i just wanted to say i admire your courage and your fight and this entry broght me instantly to tears. you are a very talented writer. keep up the fight!

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