The Illusion of Time

I have always been a fairly over sensitive person, overly being the key word. You would think with the tragic events throughout my life, I would have built an emotional callus. But this is not the case. It is like having been burned and now living with a painful, touchy scar.

I found myself getting upset over the smallest of reasons. If  ever I called family or friend and they did not have time for me, or “Can I call you right back?”, I would hang up and cry. It was the whole self-worth junk, I came to realize. Obviously I am not important enough for “you” to drop what you are doing and talk to me.

I learned that taking one of  my “Migraine pills” soon became my solution to this pain.  It became my “Social Vaccine,” making me immune to the pain caused by those obviously lurking around the corner to purposefully make my life miserable!

In the beginning of time, every pill I took, I justified. I am sure I had a headache. I am a nurse after all, I would not want to take something without having a need. I had yet to become overwhelmed with shame and guilt— that came much later.

Migraines, that is what started this whole down-spiral.

Ten years of treatment for “Migraines.

Ten years of drugs.

Ten years of my family’s life.

Ten years of my life.

Gone.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”



6 Responses to “The Illusion of Time”

  1. God bless you dear one.

  2. I think that you have a lot of courage and I am proud of you..I am proud to call you my friend..I know that you are walking a difficult path however you are setting a good example for others..You have a beautiful spirit and light…Keep your chin up and know that you are loved..

  3. As I read this I thought of the verse in Lamentations. “I will restore the years the locusts have eaten”.. He will restore… He will somehow in the mix of all that has happened do good for you and those you love. I don’t understand how it happens, I just know it does. He’s been restoring the years in my family.

    I was addicted to religion and it’s works. Though I know it may not look like it, it is a deadly poison. It puts expectations on people that they could not possibly attain… which leads to disappointments and resentments. It hurts those you love.. I’ve hurt those I love. But grace has found me. I am finding freedom to be loved by the One who is love.

    I’ve written my story on my blog. I’d love to have you visit if you’d like. I love meeting new people.

    Have a blessed day,
    Julie
    http://jewelsightings.blogspot.com

  4. I’m having problems commenting. Are you receiving my comments?

  5. For some reason when I comment it doesn’t show up, but it did last time. The verse that comes to mind is in Lamentations. “I will restore the years the locusts have eaten”. He will somehow in the mix of all this make good happen in your life and the ones you love. I know because He is with me and mine. I’ve written about my journey on my blog. I’d love to have you visit if you’d like. I love meeting new people! If you click on my name above it should take you to my blog.

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